Wisdom Shopper

     I am, constantly, leaning on my own understanding.  This is a mistake.  I sabotage myself, by believing I am smarter than I am.  Don’t get me wrong… I’m still pretty convinced that I’m smarter than the average bear, but I’ve realized that it isn’t enough to be smart.  Even the degree of savvy I worked so hard to attain isn’t enough to lean on.  What I really need is some higher thinking.  I’m not talking about the, ever popular, concept of “taking my mind up,” and on that note, I’d like to take a little aside.  That is the most ridiculous concept I’ve ever heard of.  We, as human beings, are totally incapacitated to “take our minds up.”   The thought that we can do this ourselves is, both, ludicrous and vain!  What I’m looking for is some uncommon sense, which calls for silence.  My silence… If I want wisdom in my life, I’m going to need to shut up, and listen for a change.  This is not my strong suit.  I’m really a lot better at talking…  Talking and writing… Okay.  So, my best skills are talking and writing.  If you need a good anecdote or an observational joke, I’m your guy; but in the wisdom department, I’m just another shopper.  Sadly, as a wisdom shopper, I leave a lot to be desired.  A big portion of my time is spent rebelling against the instructions, given to me by any mentor willing to invest his or her time in my potential.  It’s not a disrespect thing.  I don’t presume to ask, “Who do you think you are?”  It’s a lot more like, “Who do you think you’re talking to?  Have you not heard, who I am?”  Like I said, I find myself being a little too impressed with my own intelligence. 

     The only way, I know, to combat my ego is to recognize where it’s burned me, in past endeavors.  If I catch myself thinking I’m too smart to prepare, in detail, for an engagement, I try to recall memories of opportunities lost to lack of preparation.  I’ve tried to justify this behavior, by saying I love the rush of doing things by the seat of my pants; but how great is the rush when I fall on my face?  I can value a failure as a  learning experience, but how many times can I “learn” that preparation is key to success.  It’s important to remember that the definition of insanity is to continue performing the same action, and expecting different results.  I am not insane, so why would I continue to “wing it,” when I know it is more likely than not, that I will fail to achieve success.  The answer is that I am willful, unwise, and overindulgent….  Which is why I am still a wisdom shopper.